This short new Scum Villain fic cracked me right up:

epiphanies, climaxes, and other contrivances by tshirt
(Shang Qinghua/Shen Qingqiu, 2700w, rated E)

Shen Qingqiu needs a plan to avoid his canon fate. Shang Qinghua knows a way to get good ideas. And there's no— well, minimal— touching involved.

Or, what if we had to jack off in the Qing Jing Peak Lord’s house to obtain vital plot information... and we were both transmigrators?

And while I'm at it, here's another hilarious fic by the same author that I reread today and found just as delightful as the first time.

commodity fetishism by tshirt
(Shang Qinghua/Mobei jun, 3500w, rated M)

After Mobei Jun loses access to his trust fund, he needs a new income source. Luckily for him, Shang Qinghua is rich, single, and inoffensive. What more could you need in a man?